Sorry I haven’t been on much! It’s been a busy 5 days with being in New York, meeting Paramore and just getting back. But I am back for the week :) BUT, I will be in Arizona next weekend! Just a heads up if anyone cares..
Every important day gets fucked up…I thought being apart for a bit would help…no…of course it didn’t…
Ugh. I’ve never wanted to go back to the night of a concert as badly as I want to go back to last night. Can I please go back and do it one more time? Hang out with Paramore again?…every time I listen to them, now, I get this really excited/sad feeling in my chest. I guess post concert depression. I’ve never had that before >.
Oh my gosh. Meeting Paramore today was literally one of the best things in my life. Not only did I get to meet my favourite band, but I got to meet my celeb crush. First thing she did was give me a hug and I melted on the inside. Omg. And Jeremy and Taylor introduced themselves and we all were talking about random stuff. We talked about Hawaii, my college, when Jeremy went to Hawaii, and the band, about how I chose to meet them, me and Hayley compared skin tones and how white she is, and just random stuff. They were literally the coolest and most genuine people I have ever met. Then Jeremy is like, “Have you checked out our merch yet???” And I say, “No. Not yet!” And hey goes, “Oh man! We have some cool stuff. You have to check it out. Get whatever you want! Just raid the merch table!” So I got whatever I wanted for free. And when they left, they didn’t even want to leave. Their manager had to tell them they had to go. So Hayley gave me this huge hug and I melted again. Then Jeremy is like, “Give me a hug man!” And I turn to Taylor and we have this one arm hug which turned into a two armed hug and it was kinda awkward but funny hahaha. Then when the show started, the opening band was this band called Kitten. They were not half bad. I really liked them. The singer came right up to us. Practically put her ass in our faces and then crowd surfed over us. It was really cool and funny! Hahaha. Then Paramore came on and everyone got so squished together. But during their first song, Haley was right in front of me and she saw me and pointed at me in the crowd and that was just so dreaming cool! They did OUTSTANDING. I’ve waited so long to see them. Completely worth the wait. Every bit of it. Completely worth all I had to go through to get this Make-A-Wish. I really hope I meet them again in the future. When I do, I hope they recognise me. Just….HALEY KNOWS I EXIST. Okay. Freak out over. I just can’t wrap my head around meeting them and being able to meet my celeb crush. They were all so down to earth and amazing. I’m seriously so grateful that I had this opportunity to meet them and see them for the first time. They are all amazing. Jeremy, Taylor and Hayley. Amazing people. So much more respect gained for them.
Ugh. Today has been such a shit day…started off horrible and hasn’t really gotten any better…all I want to do is cry and be in her arms…
Ugh. I hate flakey people. Seriously. Like I get if it was an accident and not your fault. But if you didn’t do something or put something off just cause you didn’t want to, that’s not cool. Especially if others are relying on you.
Today has been a really amazing day. It marks two anniversaries. 1st, it marks the 8 month anniversary with the most amazing girl I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. She has literally changed my life in so many different ways, and all for the better. The 2nd anniversary, today marks the one year anniversary of my last chemotherapy treatment and one year of being cancer free. The road to recovery seems so short when I look back on it. It’s mind blowing how much can change in a year. How many new experiences I’ve gotten and how much my view has changed. I’m stronger than ever thanks to family and friends who stuck by my side through it all. “I am not and will not be defeated.” This past year has brought so much into my life. I am so grateful for all of it.
It honestly makes me feel better when I help someone out. It’s not even really helping…just reminding them of what they already know. I think it’s because I don’t want people to feel how I’m feeling at that moment.
I miss you…I miss you guys a lot…someone can’t just stop caring. I know I fucked up with both of you. And I’m sorry..
I am so sick of your fucking shit and all the shit you put me through. You haven’t grown up a bit since you were 20. And how old are you now? 45? And you say your only responsible for my “Food, clothing and shelter. That’s it.” Because that shows responsibility. No. As a parent, you are responsible for teaching your kid how to live in this world. What decisions to make. How to be a good person and be kind. How to make this world a better place. How to show them how to be responsible and be able to take care of themselves when they’re older. Have you done any of that? Hardly. Sure, you support me. At the very minimum. And god forbid you have to go out of your fucking way to help me with something that maybe I want to do. Something that might help my future. It’s fucking sad. I don’t respect you at all. I would like to, but you never show me reason to. You know why? Because you show no respect to ME. You treat me as if I’m a fucking inconvenience. You know what? I may be. But THAT’S WHAT KIDS ARE. THEY DO MAKE THINGS AN INCONVENIENCE. But that it the responsibility you are suppose to take on. Apparently, you could never fucking do that. I have learned more lessons from other people than I EVER have learned from you. What happened to being a parent that the kid was suppose to learn from. Teach them right. You obviously didn’t get that memo that THAT’S what a parent is suppose to be. Putting their kids first. Fuck. When I do become a father and a parent. I will NEVER look to you as an example. I will raise them right. Give them the better life that I never had. Teach them what a parent should teach them. I wont put them down like you do to me. You rarely support what I want to do. Hell, you told me to drop out of high school and get my GED like you. No. FUCK YOU. You’re so fucking bitter that your life sucks. That is NOT my fucking fault. YOU did this and you only have yourself to blame. You know what’s sad? My own girlfriend feels uncomfortable to come around anymore because of you. I don’t have a good immediate family to offer her like she does me. That makes me hate you even more. I can’t wait to be able to support myself and finally say goodbye to you. And I’ll be damned if I let you mooch off of me.
